My Mission

Shortly after I started my job about six week ago, I noticed them, huddled around a table in a conference room. Young, good-looking, and they sit in the same position from before eight until after five, inputting documents into laptops.

This is unnerving. I can't sit longer than an hour, before I become restless and start twitching uncontrollably. If restrained, I start sweating. Then salivating. Finally, I convulse, shrieking, screeching and . . . what was I talking about? Oh yeah. These people don't talk. They just crunch numbers. Then it hit me.

They're androids. And they're slowly taking over. How do I know this? There's more of them now then there was a few weeks ago. The stacks of paper? They're growing.

How do they communicate? Through their laptops - that must be the answer. I've started watching them more closely in order to discern their nefarious plot; I haven't uncovered anything yet (other than the blonde is very cute), but I don't buy the whole lame "auditors" argument. It just doesn't fit, dang it!

If I disappear suddenly, you know why. I think they've gotten to the dog. She's been looking at me funny lately.

No, I've been getting plenty of sleep lately. In between bouts of coughing. And caffiene. Oh, and there was that stomach bug that gave me weird dreams. But I'm okay. I just lie there and dream about coffee. And soda. And tea.

Must go save earth . . .