Monday, April 09, 2018

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Brian McCown

Tuesday, March 20, 2018








Saturday, December 30, 2017

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Brian McCown

Sunday, July 02, 2017

Friday, June 23, 2017

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Smooth Criminal

My aching head mirrored the ache in my knee nicely. Downing the better part of a six pack while playing kickball seemed like a good idea, but now, looking back . . . not so much.

I was cruising along nicely into the fourth inning when I kicked a perfect line drive up towards right center field. As I dashed towards first base, I started planning my run into second. It would be my first double of the season. Glory would be mine!

So of course I tripped over first base and rolled head over heels twice before coming to a stop. While staring into the sky, all I could think was that not only did my knee hurt, it was embarrassing as hell. I laid on the cool grass, staring into the sky, giggling at the absurdity of it all.

C'est la vie. Another beer on the sidelines and I was good as new. I even pitched us to our first win of the season.

But as I was driving home, the shakes hit. I realized . . . I hadn't had any caffeine that day, and as the beer wore off, my knee and head started competing for my attentions. Fortunately, I found salvation at the nearby QT, where I saw this exchange:

"That'll be $3.50 sir."
"Okay - here." The gentleman in front of me hands the cashier a $50.
She stares at it for several seconds, straightens it out, stare at it more intently, and hands it to the other cashier, who repeats.
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't take this bill." says cashier number two.
"That's fine," says the customer. And walks out with the fake $50.

I worked in retail for nearly ten years. I've seen more attempted scams and lame shoplifting attempts than I care to remember, and one thing that always came to mind was how indignant people became when they were caught. Not this guy. He just upped and moved on - straight towards the next gas station on the street. It was only a matter of time before he found some cashier who was thinking of getting off work, going home, or just getting out from behind the register for a few short hours.

I'm sure it wasn't going to be a long wait.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Next, You Drop the Film Canister Into the Cavity

 . . . but keep it sealed tightly, unless you want it covered in sauce. Apparently Julia Child was a spy.