Thursday, September 02, 2004

Trudy and Terror

I've decided my dog suffers from multiple personality disorder. I really think there's two seperate dogs in her little head - which explains her bizarre lapses in behavior. She can figure her way out of any barrier or hinderance, but then she goes outside and tries running under moving cars.

I think these personalities are often at war with one another; dancing a lethal dance where they dodge, thrust and parry day in and day out waging a war for HER VERY SOUL - or at least making her extremely tired, because I've never seen an animal sleep more than her. And I really like sleep. A lot.

On one hand, we have Trudy - the Dr. Jekyll personality. Trudy is sweet, she would never, never hurt anyone or anything. She loves playing with people and other dogs. Children can walk up to her and pet her, and she'll just eat it up. Trudy is the dog who jumped in my lap to keep me warm all those years ago.

Then there's Terror - the Mr. Hyde half. Terror is willfull; Terror is stubborn. Terror is the dog who walked into my bedroom all those years ago, looked up at me, and relieved herself all over the room. (She never pulled that trick again, I might add - while I generally don't hit the dog, she caught hell that day.)

Trudy sleeps peacefully when I leave her during the day. She's very happy to see me, since she acts like a convict who's just been released from six weeks of solitary.

Terror is happy to see me, but just because she wants me to see that she just crapped all over the floor after tearing up all the blinds.

(I'm not sure which one barks all day, but right now, she sounds like she's spent the last three nights smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking even cheaper whiskey).

Trudy lets me know when she needs to go out. I take her and all is well.

Terror is more considerate; she doesn't want to wake me from a solid night's sleep, so she just poops at the foot of the stairs, figuring I'll take care of it in the moring.

So as you can see, neither side has the upper hand -yet. Trudy is currently sleeping behind me, but I'm afraid Terror is planning on rigging a trip wire over the stairs or dropping a plugged-in blender into the shower with me.

In any case, I'm putting this in writing, so if I disappear under mysterious circumstances, you all know where to look.

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