Television Ennui

I realized something tonight: I have the attention span of a two-year-old, especially while watching television. In an hour-long period, I continually flipped between five gay men, two straight (and very stupid) women, government agents, poker, college basketball, an infomercial and a documentary about a boy in a bubble. Oh, and throw the X-Files in there briefly. I don't think that's good for anyone's mental health.

First off, when the apocalypse comes, I don't want Paris Hilton, her little friend or that damn rat anywhere around me. They're useless. Nice to look at, but when one of them (I couldn't tell them apart - I'll just call them Blonde 1 and Blonde 2) - Blonde 1 I think - asked what a well does, I flipped the channel. I honestly would rather watch five homosexuals save a straight man's marriage than watch those two prove to the rest of the world that Americans are stupid. At least the gay guys are funny.

Celebrity Poker was about what I expected. Can I get some takers? I'll hold Ben Affleck if someone hits him. Hard. Repeatedly. I really wanted to see more of this, but I had to watch 24 and see what wackiness befell Kiefer and his progeny - who happens to share hair color and intelligence with Blondes 1 and 2 from the previous show.

Basically, the only reason I own a television anymore is to watch movies and sports. It's depressing that something like This Simple Life makes it to the airwaves while shows like Firefly, Homicide, Sports Night and Farscape are consigned to the pit of low ratings and ultimate cancellation.

Listen up, television execs - the reason you're losing male viewers, ages 18-34, is because you're putting crap on the air. It's that simple. No one wants to watch the recycled garbage you keep throwing at the wall, hoping it will stick before people notice the stink. Granted, you probably don't care about my opinion, since I'm approaching the upper end of the bracket, but maybe if you started airing quality shows with new (and TALENTED) writers, you wouldn't be bemoaning The Sopranos' and Sex in the City's success while trying to convice America that we want to watch Whoopi Goldberg.

I'll continue my rant until I see changes, or until I see something shiny.